The pressure is off at least. I struggled on quite a few days, since I started Shared Paternal Leave I’m not always out and about at places where I’m inspired to take photos. I’m also pretty focused, or distracted, by looking after little one.
There have been clingy periods and mental leaps, teething and colds and I chose (and also didn’t have a choice) to focus on looking after Ellie. Sometimes it got to nine o’clock on an evening before I remembered I hadn’t taken a photo for the day. This often led to some scrambling around looking for a subject, often with poor results. This led to a lot of what I would call poor photos, that I wouldn’t have otherwise shared.
Perhaps I learned something anyway from taking these ’bad’ photos, but I don’t think thats the case.
A few months in I started posting the photos less regularly. I was still taking a photo each day, multiple photos even, on my camera and my phones camera, but I was posting them in bulk after a few days, struggling to keep up.
Recently, while again behind on posts, I realised I had only taken one photo on a previous day. Elowyn and I both had head colds so we were resting. I took a very poorly lit photo using the front-facing camera of Ellie asleep in my arms, intending to send it to my wife. Thats the only photo I took that day, my energy went to looking after myself and my daughter and I’m completely happy with that decision, it wasn’t really even a conscious choice.
Now I could have shared that photo, I considered it. It would mean I could continue the unbroken chain of posting photos. But I would have felt shitty. Like real shitty. Like I cheated at something, and I already felt somewhat like that on. days where I cobbled a photo together last minute. I’m not completely sure why this made me feel bad, it’s not like I have an audience with certain expectations of me, or something contractual to live up to (other than perhaps with myself). Expectations I placed on myself.
Realising this was kind of freeing. I realised I didn’t mind so much having missed a day. It doesn’t feel like the epic failure I though it would. This isn’t that much of a priority to me, not the one I imagined it would be, failing wasn’t that bad.
I’ve missed a couple of days photos recently and have some I’ve taken that need uploading. Rather than abandon things at this stage I’m going to carry on. Sure it won’t be a complete 365, and I may still post some rushed, last minute though out photos (hopefully less of these). I’ll probably miss a few more days along the way.
You can catch up and stay up-to-date with my photos on Bliphoto.
At least I’ll be taking and sharing more photos. I think that was the real benefit of starting this project, and it’s a benefit that’s not negated by ‘failing’.
Yep yep yep!